The Like or Subscribe to Loneliness

How we can reverse social self-neglect from our online habits.

Many users end up in a sea of distracting encounters while online seeking deeper human connections. These misdirections disguise themselves as socially fulfilling, can be highly addictive, and slight the values that had initiated those pursuits for real connections. We may want to reexamine our approach to confronting loneliness in the digital era, leveraging social media smarts about disconnecting practices to reconnect ourselves.

Our ancestors owed their survival to community values of doing and living as one. We carry on their instinct for group belonging in the form of loneliness, even within our drastically designed environment and complex technology. Yet, the rise in social disconnection confounds all of us, in this globalized world we’d sought to become more unified. It’s odd that our increase in digital dependence may have already exceeded human interactions, making isolation easier than ever, while profound discoveries of other minds and our own identities become more out of the way.

The world is gaining awareness of this widespread loneliness. This pandemic is so critical that, for example, the U.K. appoints a Minister for Loneliness. Vivek Murthy, an American physician and vice admiral, was startled that loneliness is the leading health problem, surpassing cancer and heart attacks; he notes on how unhealthy isolation and social media can intertwine. Half of the 2020 global population are active on social media, subjected to studies on how loneliness is treated or neglected when it comes to cyberspace. There’s a lot we still need to learn about our online behavior, while a market response for loneliness increases, such as renting a family, a platonic companion for your next outing, or even romance by artificial emotional intelligence.

Depriving connection, unresolved loneliness literally hurts anyone, no matter the background. People with weak relationships are more likely to die premature than those with strong relationships. When we are persistently lonely, we can increase likelihood of ailments, high stress levels, anxiety, depression, and dementia. It can be the cause or consequence of heart problems, mental and physical fatigue, obesity, and diabetes.

This isn’t an all-out affront on digital social technology on the battle against loneliness; there’s so much we don’t understand. Besides, many online interactions can seed meaningful relationships across town and ocean. I can attest to that, and I’m confident to wager that you’ve also had at least a few positively impactful encounters. What harms the social well being of the yearning are the hidden systemic parts of online mediums that perpetuate, if not worsen, loneliness. Users should arm their knowledge with the following.

One systemic vice you should caution is proportionately bite-sized digital content. It masks overconsumption usually until it’s too late, as these are designed so that we easily feel okay with just one more. Psychologist Daniel Goleman calls this digital barrage ‘the constant partial attention phenomenon,’ which leads to decrease in our ability to focus, and increases impulsivity that hinders self-care, including diet, exercise, and self-compassion.

Another isolation hindrance can be how web content is curated by user agreeability. Search algorithms constantly detect your online behavior, and suggest content you’re already used to, and more likely to binge. This may help a search for like-mindedness, but it can also intensify close-mindedness. Users become less inclined to diversify their social circle, and would rather remain enclosed where everyone agrees with everyone. If users aren’t finding a healthy solution to their emotional needs within their community, they are less likely to seek help beyond their niche and result in a sense of helplessness.

This algorithmic-discrimination also encourages misinformation about people, especially towards those whom we antagonize. Picking out what and how we learn about others at our own convenience and sources, which post to boast and which to dismiss consolidates division. A divide this increasingly prominent can only harbor more loneliness, yet nourishing common grounds would have an opposite effect.

Users with self-esteem challenges compound their negative ruminations when discovering glamorized content. Ideal body images, vacation spots, and luxury goods are common examples that viewers can experience with envy and shame. Feeling more irrelevant or invisible, their loneliness exacerbates with more defensiveness and unwillingness to kindle relationships.

There are many more angles to mention on loneliness as the cause or consequence of social media. Cyberbullying is an extensive topic subjected to loneliness along with social abuse. Fear of missing out can often result in shallow connections as the content may not actually reflect the interests of individuals, rewarding only a token of brief belonging. Instead of becoming more visible, users can feel intensely invisible after using social networks. It’s this sense of constant invisibility that corrodes mental well being.

There is something we can do for ourselves against these systemic issues. Having the smarts about social media consumer behavior, related psychology, and the nature of loneliness can guide the invisible to become healthily visible. The best long-term way around loneliness, however, is actually meeting through with it. This likely involves disconnecting from the media and reeling back all your handed-out attention towards yourself.

Staring into loneliness may not be fun or trendy; the confrontation probably downright sucks, but it may be necessary. Behavior experts like Cal Newport believe that stepping away from social media would help people realize their personal needs better. Without the digital distraction, their minds are freer to be curious about their loneliness and create an imaginative biome to nurture repressed desires. In other words, loneliness can help you realize what you truly value from your social interactions, increasing your ability to filter in what’s good to you.

Hunger, thirst, and loneliness are all natural body responses to warn us of our deficiencies. We step away from our screens to appease hunger and thirst, yet, loneliness is often more neglected than its counterparts. Reframing loneliness as an equal natural response for proper necessity can guide us to appreciating our health more and seek proper socialization.

It’s not easy to admit being lonely, but avoiding loneliness can lead to more of it. The next time you’re surging through your social apps, ask yourself what you’re really getting out of it. Rethink your stance on loneliness on how it can serve you. What can you reflect on when you dedicate a digital time-out? Remember, the focus is about your needs on a deeper level. You’ll return online knowing more about yourself, in control, and likelier to attract interactions that you actually like, no button necessary.

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