Goodbye my lover

We were in a LDR. We were supposed to meet up in March to have that one final talk but due to COVID-19 circumstances, that final talk degenerated into a string of sad and emotional text messages exchanged over Telegram. I sent out this closure text to him. But I never got a response back, just a blue tick. Maybe airing it online will give me the closure I need.

— -

Hey how have you been?

To be honest, this wasn’t the kind of closure I was looking forward to. I spent days agonizing on how I should write this as I didn’t want it to be all emotional. I wanted us to have a chat, to talk about the relationship, to talk about how things were like in the past 2 and a half months, to talk about moving on and having a closure. I guess given the current circumstances, this is at best we can do to achieve a closure. I guess I need this closure more than you know.

Well, the break hasn’t been easy on me. But ultimately, I was glad and grateful for having gone through it. I believe I have spent time on myself, having more self-love, doing things that I always wanted to do. And I believe that was the same for you. I also believe that this break was a right choice for us as I believe our relationship would have become stronger than ever. When we were apart, I learned just how important you are to me. And I understood what support means to you and how just by telling you a simple ‘I support you’ is sufficient for you already.

I met you when everything was new and exciting, and the possibilities of the world seem endless. And they still are…for you, for me, but not for us. Somewhere between then and now, here and there, I guess we didn’t just grow apart during the break, we also grew up. I’ll remember the time in Bali, the time where we catch the sunset, I’ll always remember just how beautiful it was. Just how beautiful it’ll always be. Because it was us. And we were together.

You once asked me what love is. And I guess after these few months, I finally understood the concept of love clearly. Love is trusting someone, being there for someone, being ready to listen with a tender heart. I am happy to give more with no regrets, and that is love. Thank you for showing me what love was. For telling me how much you trusted me. For always supporting me in whatever I do. For loving me despite all of my shortcomings. The few months with you were great. Thank you for loving me when I was so unlovable, broken and lost. I’m sorry for hurting you with my words in our early months of dating and that I was insensitive towards your feelings. I saw you crying but I didn’t say anything — I wish I had given you a hug or something. I’m sorry.

You have grown up quite a bit, I hope you realise that. You told me that you wanted to change a lot of things about yourself when you go to university. And boy you did. I am really proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone, for building up your connections. I am also really proud of you for wanting to advocate change in your society and running for an EXCO position. You have come a long way and I hope that you will continue to grow in your areas and continue to blossom. I know you have really high expectations of yourself and please know that, your effort has paid off and I am immensely proud of you.

I really thought we will have something sustainable and long-lasting. I have never felt this way with anyone — I’m not sure if you feel the same. But for now, I am not going to push for things, I am not going to beg or plead you to stay with me. Because I believe if I really do love the person, I will set the person free and allow the person to continue to grow into his best version. And that is what I want for you. I want you to be happy, ultimately. I believe you want the same for me as well.

It is unfortunate that this has to end, but all good things have to come to an end, I guess. Thank you once again for loving me so much during the past few months. Thank you for showing me what I am deserving of. I had the best of times with you. I will respect your decision too. I hope you will continue to have a fulfilling school year ahead and strike a balance between school and social life. Please live your life to the fullest! Please take good care of yourself too.

This is goodbye for now. Till we meet again. In the future. Maybe, maybe not.

Goodbye x. Thank you. I love you.

— -

Taylor Swift’s Lover was the soundtrack of our relationship.

“Can I go where you go?
Can we always be this close forever and ever?”

Goodbye for now, my lover. Thank you for everything. xx

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