Breaking Free From Anxious Attachment style To Secure

Anxious attachment style

Life-Changing Skills I Discovered in Therapy

I finally decided to seek professional help a few years ago for the numerous personal issues that were preventing me from having the relationships and life I wanted. These issues included a weak ego, low willpower, addiction to dopamine, anxious attachment style, low self-esteem, relationship anxiety, and perfectionism. Some of these issues I was able to work through on my own, but others required the help of a professional. Although I had a background in psychology and knew of the benefits of therapy, I did not realize how much it would help me to speak out loud and have someone guide me out of my own negative thoughts. I understand that therapy may not be for everyone and can be costly, but it was incredibly beneficial for me. Now I am happily engaged and in a much healthier emotional state. If you are interested, I have listed six things that I have learned from therapy that may also be helpful for you.

When you have an anxious attachment style, it can be difficult to manage your emotions and reactions to certain situations. One technique that can be helpful is learning to sit with your feelings and observe them without acting on them. This means acknowledging when you’re feeling anxious or triggered, and instead of reacting impulsively or trying to suppress the feeling, you take the time to understand and process it.

One way to do this is to give your anxious thoughts a name or label. Instead of telling yourself “I’m feeling anxious”, you can say “I’m feeling anxious because I’m worried about X”. This helps to distance yourself from the feeling and recognize that it is not a part of you, but rather a reaction to a certain situation or thought.

Another technique is to write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal. This can provide a healthy outlet for expressing and releasing your emotions, rather than bottling them up and allowing them to build up. Additionally, it can help to look back on these entries and recognize patterns or triggers that may be causing your anxiety.

It’s important to remember that while it may be uncomfortable to sit with your feelings, it’s a necessary step towards managing them in a healthy way. With time and practice, you will become more accustomed to acknowledging and processing your emotions, and they will become less overwhelming.

2. Make your own judgments.

It’s important to trust your own judgment and not let anxiety influence your decisions. When it comes to relationships, it’s important to remember that it’s your life and you get to decide what’s normal and acceptable for you. In therapy, I learned to validate my own experiences and trust my own instincts, rather than relying on external validation or opinions.

I remember going to my therapist and saying, “Oh, I was acting so crazy,” and my therapist glanced at me and said, “What is crazy?” Who says it’s crazy?” They validated my experience by saying I was distressed and that was how I responded in that moment of distress; it was very normal and natural of me. That’s how I did learn to validate my experience and center myself.

3. Create space for yourself

One of the most important things I’ve learned from therapy is the importance of making space for myself. This can come in many forms, such as setting aside time for self-reflection, journaling, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy and relaxation. But one of the most effective ways for me personally has been through talking and sharing my thoughts and feelings with others. In therapy, I was able to let out all of my pent-up emotions and thoughts without judgement or censorship. This not only helped me process and understand my own experiences, but it also helped me to feel heard and validated. And even outside of therapy sessions, I’ve found that simply speaking openly and honestly with trusted friends or family members can have a similar effect. Making space for yourself and your emotions is crucial for anyone, but especially for those with an anxious attachment style. It allows you to let go of pent-up emotions and thoughts, and it helps you to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your own needs. It’s a powerful tool that can help you to feel more in control of your own life and emotions.

4. Be the parent you didn’t have as a child.

Imagine, as a child, you were consistently yearning for love, affirmation, and validation but never received it. These unfulfilled needs can lead to maladaptive coping mechanisms and patterns that follow you into adulthood. While seeking professional help such as schema therapy can aid in resolving these issues, it’s also important to take ownership of your emotional needs and learn to parent yourself. Think of yourself as a child and imagine the love, guidance, and support you always wanted but never received. Now, as an adult, you have the power to provide that for yourself. When you find yourself feeling vulnerable, take a step back and ask yourself, “What would a nurturing and understanding parent do in this situation?” and then do that for yourself. Give yourself the love, validation, and affirmation you always craved. Meet your emotional needs in a safe, healthy, and non-stressful manner. Not only will this empower you to heal past wounds, but it will also allow you to have a stronger sense of self-care and self-awareness in your present and future relationships.

5. Journal dreams.

Dreams can often be a reflection of our deepest fears, desires and emotions, and when we journal our dreams, it can help us understand and process these feelings on a deeper level. This is something I learned from my therapist, who assigned me the task of journaling my dreams for a week. At first, I was skeptical and didn’t think it would be that useful, but to my surprise, it was incredibly enlightening. The details of the dreams may not always be significant, but the feelings that come with them are. By writing down my dreams and the emotions they evoked, I was able to understand the root cause of my distress and work through it. It was like a window into my subconscious and helped me separate those feelings from my daily life, not letting it affect my present. I highly recommend giving it a try, even if it seems strange at first, it can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and personal growth.

6. Find your anchor.

Anchoring yourself is a crucial step in building a stable and healthy life. Prior to therapy, my relationships were chaotic, filled with ups and downs with people who had their own personal issues and ultimately hurt me. Additionally, I was living abroad on my own, away from my family and support system. Without an anchor in my life, therapy became a source of stability for me.

Through therapy, I developed a relationship with my therapist that was built on trust. This allowed me to gain confidence in my own ability to care for myself and make decisions. Outside of therapy, I made an effort to establish routines and make my life more predictable. By consistently meeting my own needs and standing up for myself, I was able to build a sense of trust in myself.

This newfound sense of self-reliance and self-trust is what helped me to find the partner I wanted in my life. I was able to approach dating with a clear understanding of what I wanted and needed, and I was able to make decisions that were in line with my own values and needs. Having an anchor in my life, whether it be therapy, a support system, or a set of healthy routines, allowed me to build a stable foundation for myself and ultimately, find happiness and fulfillment in my life.

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