The Hidden Gifts In Our Personal and Collective Core Wounds

By M. Lorrie Miller

What is a core wound? A core wound is an issue initially experienced as painful, that also provides opportunities for spiritual growth and transformation. The process of healing the core wound invites us to honor our experience for what it has to teach us and to look for the hidden gifts. We see the core wound play out in every aspect of life- health, wealth, relationships, work, and spirituality.

My core wound is abuse. I was physically and emotionally abused by my parents as a child. I grew up in a rigid household where “children were seen and not heard”. Even though the worst of the physical abuse stopped at age eleven, the aftereffects continued, leaving me feeling unloved, insecure, and afraid to speak my truth. I carried this wound with me wherever I went. As a child, I attracted bullies. When I got older it played out in friendships, where I was betrayed. My core wound surfaced in significant others, who were physically threatening or uncaring.

A major part of my healing journey has been to recognize how my core wound has been reflected in the people and situations that I attracted, which eventually led me to make significant changes. When I was in my twenties I became aware of the negative patterns that repeated in my life, and I began to look inward. I learned to love myself and changed my relationship with my wound by my life choices. I became a preschool teacher, where I showed little ones that they were lovable. At one preschool, teachers threatened children who couldn’t settle down for naps. This was my opportunity to write up guidelines for responding to young children with kind and age appropriate discipline, which the director welcomed. Later, I became a clinical social worker, desiring to empower clients to a better life. Our department was overworked, so I rallied my colleagues to get the boss to hire additional staff, so we could better serve our clients.

My core wound even affected my trust in God. For a time, I was agnostic until I developed a serious illness. My faith returned when I was Divinely guided to practitioners and treatments and was healed. Since then, I discovered friends and spiritual communities that resonated with the new me. I found love in my husband and soulmate.

Still, it was a rocky journey coming to terms with my parents’ abusive behavior. Healing happened through grace and prayer. I stopped seeing myself as a victim and my parents as victimizers. I realized my parents had their own stories and unhealed core wounds. Ultimately, I found compassion for my parents, and as a result, I experienced inner peace. Even though I endured childhood trials that seeped into adulthood, I realize these experiences brought me to the place I am today. I’m grateful I recognized the hidden gifts in my core wound, which led me to change my life for the better and to see myself and others through the lens of compassion. My core wound still shows me areas of my life that need tending. It is an ongoing process of transformation.

Core wounds aren’t just personal. We have collective core wounds too. These are themes that have played out on the national or world stages, touching humanity in majorly painful ways, but also offering opportunities to come together for healing. Some examples are the numerous school shootings, the #MeToo movement, and the inhumane treatment of immigrant families and children at the U.S. border. These incidents serve to create a sense of unity, but it is often unity against the perceived “enemy”. When big core wounds happen, we assign blame and focus attention on the “bad guys”. Yet, these events provide a chance for everyone to take some ownership. Perhaps our silence allowed the wound to grow, until it erupted. This is not to excuse egregious behavior or institutionalized injustices, but to suggest that a relevant solution needs participation from everyone. Lately, our collective core wounds have become major calls to action. More of us are taking ownership precisely because we are taking issues personally. When incidents touch us in visceral ways, we realize that everyone is our neighbor. We can no longer stand by and witness horrendous behavior. We are called to help those who are vulnerable. However, it’s still important for us to maintain a respectful stance for all concerned. We don’t want to fall into the trap of dehumanizing those whose behaviors we detest, since this is a habit we find repugnant, when our opponents dehumanize those who are different from them. Those engaging in harmful behaviors are likely to have their own stories and unhealed core wounds too, though this doesn’t take away their accountability. However, it can be a starting point to explore common concerns and values with those who are receptive, that can lead to positive outcomes. Our collective core wounds not only serve to galvanize us and move us out of complacency towards the plights of those in need, but also remind us of the spiritual truth of our Oneness with the Divine and one another.

To heal our personal and collective core wounds we must look within and move beyond labels of victim and victimizer, understanding that this doesn’t absolve perpetrators. When we are faced with people and situations in our outer world that are not to our liking, we need to realize that these are mirrors into our individual and group consciousness, reflecting what needs our attention and healing. Then, our challenge is to remember that we’re all in this together, and to know that our core wounds contain hidden gifts meant to inspire us to become the best version of ourselves, both personally and collectively.

Photo via Unsplash

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